I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
