We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Come on in and take your pants off
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