he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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