The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
