There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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