i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
