We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
