I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
