I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
