Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
