She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she pinky promised me she was 18
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
