your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
