We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
