You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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