I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
