So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
