just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
