sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
