Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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