The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
