I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
