Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
