WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
