We won't sleep together?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
