Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
