he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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