I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
