they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drake has all the answers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
