giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
