haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
