Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
