i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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