dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
