That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
