Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
