So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We need to get me chipped asap
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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