Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just crazy horny about you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
