Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I love having hate sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
