i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This girl is more easily done than said...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
