you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
