The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize