If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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