Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
