I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
