This is not my ceiling
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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