Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
