I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
