My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
