Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
