just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
either way he was missing a nipple.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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