Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
