I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
