It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
