How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
